pulpdecameron (pulpdecameron) wrote,

I am Ready to Serve my Country

I have mastered the art of surveillance. For the past four years I have meticulously watched the same woman through my telescope. I know every bra and pair of panties that she owns. I can describe, to the millimeter, the location of every blemish on her body. I have also learned endurance - I went the entirety of last March without touching myself as I watched her.

My language skills are admittedly below what you typically ask for in your operatives. However, I am a fast learner. In the event of interstellar war, I am prepared to speak Klingon.

I can perform well under pressure. Two weeks ago, I held a Jeopardy! tournament at my apartment. In a tight showdown with Jeremy, my only friend, I was able to pull out the fact that the capitol of Assyria was Ninevah in Final Jeopardy, and win the game. This feat was performed with the Jeopardy! Theme Song playing.

In desperate situations, I have learned that I can kill another man. A month ago I went out and found a homeless man. I lured him to the railroad tracks and garroted him. The police have yet to name a suspect. I am confident that they never will. The experience was exhilarating, but not so exhilarating that I would consider myself a psychopath. I am confident I can keep my random murders down to one a month with minimal effort.

My resume is attached.

Copyright 2004 by Philip Sandifer. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
  • 27 comments